Chapter 7: Etiquette Guide

At Delta Upsilon, we strongly believe that courtesy and being aware of social etiquette are essential in becoming a mature individual. Not only is etiquette important in your personal life, but it can also make a statement about Delta Upsilon. Furthermore, the basics of refined action in all situations may have a dramatic impact on your career. No one is going to promote a guy in the office who can belch the loudest to a vice president position or even supervisor. Employers want individuals representing their companies position or even a supervisor. Employers want individuals representing their companies who are socially apt and have common courtesy. At Delta Upsilon, we are in the market for the same type of representatives to carry themselves with the pride, dignity, respect and mannerisms that made DU what it is today.

There are several different aspects to the broad topic of etiquette. Table etiquette and social etiquette are just the beginning. We are not attempting to make this a finishing school, but we do expect you to learn and attempt to follow the guidelines and tips written within this chapter.

Social Etiquette:

Social etiquette can be identified as the proper actions when in the presence of others. This, of course, means whenever you are not in the rest room or alone in your dorm room. The public eye will always be upon you, wherever you go. It is especially necessary to learn the correct social procedures and protocols here at Culver-Stockton. Specific areas of concentration within this manual will focus on some of the necessary procedures for invitations, introductions, giving gifts, dressing formally, and eating.

Invitations can be a very classy or disastrous situation when planning an event. When you invite someone, always name an exact day and time if at all possible. If you are unable to affix a specific time on the invitation, it is acceptable to inform your guests that you will be contacting them with specifics. However, you should specify a time when you will be contacting them regarding the event. There are rules for accepting invitations as well. When accepting an invitation, you may either accept or refuse promptly as a courtesy to your host. You may, at some time in your life, receive an invitation with RSVP written or stamped on it. This is an abbreviation for the French phrase: ‘Respondes, s’il vous plait’. Translated, this means: ‘Reply if you please’. You should answer such a request in writing. With the progress of the modern world, invitations to events began to come across telephone and telegraph lines. If this is the case, you should answer immediately or inform them that you will call them back within one or two days.

When arriving at social events, you should always attempt to be there at the time specified by the invitation or a few minutes after. Never appear early for an event. The time given was, most likely, the time that they expected guest to arrive. Any time prior to this is reserved for preparation, rest, etc. ‘Fashionably late’ is always okay as long as it is not excessive tardiness.

Delta Upsilon does not enforce a dress code. However, there are certain guidelines that are to be met when attending or sponsoring a formal affair. Suits or sports jackets and slacks are acceptable. Please avoid loud or baggy styles of suits and be sure that the jacket fits your shoulders. It is a little odd to see a grown man look like he’s borrowing his father’s dinner jacket for the homecoming dance.

Jeans are unacceptable in formal situations. Even those extra dark black denim jeans are not to be worn. Never, ever wear your pledge pin or active badge with jeans or on a non-dress shirt. Sweaters are also not considered as formal wear. However, they are acceptable when worn with slacks and dress shoes. Do not wear your pledge pin or active badge on a sweater, but you may wear it under your sweater if you are wearing a tie. It is hard to see the symbol of the gold, as it is lost in those wacky sweater designs.

Slacks should be worn with a sports jacket. Suit pants are seldom worn without the jacket of the suit. Grey, black, or tan slacks are suggested. They should not be too baggy or overly pleated. They should always be worn with a belt and should always be pressed and not look as though you just picked them out from under your bed. The belt should not have a buckle bigger than your head or be so flashy as to draw attention to your midsection. Shirts should also be pressed with a definitive pleat ironed into the sleeve. However, if you are not an expert with an iron, have someone else assist you. Sometimes you can do more harm to a shirt than good if you don’t know what you’re doing.

Ties are truly an expression of the men who wear them. For this and other obvious reasons, flashy cartoon ties should be avoided. Two pigs going a tit with the phrase: "Makin’ Bacon" beneath it is not proper formal attire. Please use some sense when buying and wearing ties. The tie should be long enough to reach the belt buckle and should be tied just firmly enough to keep it in position at the collar. If you do not know how to tie a tie, ask somebody to show you how or read your Cornerstone. Tie chains and tie bars are great. They keep your tie out of your soup and out from around your neck on windy days.

Shoes should also be worn. They should be wing-tip style or loafer style. There should be no sandals, moccasins, combat boots, cowboy boots, or other specialized footwear including sneakers. Shoes should be polished, buffed, tied and worn over a dark sock of some sort. Black is always a great color for shoes. Your belt should match your shoes to complete the ensemble.

As you have heard many times; a picture is worth a thousand words and first impressions are always the most important. Dressing for success is essential for anyone training to be a professional.

Table Manners and Dining Out:

Dinner is a great time for brothers, friends, dates and acquaintances to join together for conversation, companionship or business. Often times eating becomes more of a chore in these situations. There are many rules that must be followed to ensure that you do not make an ass of yourself or embarrass your host/date. Following all of these rules and experiencing the anxiety of dining out has been known to send many a good man over the edge. That is why Delta Upsilon feels that training you in the proper procedures and mannerisms are necessary. Listed here are rules that should be followed when dining at a nice restaurant or eating a formal dinner at someone’s home.

1. Ladies are always to be escorted into the dining area/room/restaurant first. The eldest lady should lead the way, followed by the younger women. The men should follow to the rear with eldest gentleman immediately behind the women.
2. Ladies should be seated first as the gentlemen pull out their respective chairs. Men should remain standing until all women are seated and should rise whenever a lady enters or exits the table/room.
3. The napkin should be placed on the lap at the beginning of the meal and should remain there until the dining experience is over.
4. Silverware or flatware should be used in order of its arrangement from left to right, beginning with the outside piece.
5. The head of the table should be asked permission for seating if you are arriving late and permission to leave in any instance. He should also be asked to pass food.
6. Food should always be passed to the right.
7. Bread should always be passed to the left.
8. Watch the head of the table and do not begin eating until he/she does.
9. Sip drinks quietly. Loud slurping or gulping should be avoided.
10. Bread is to be broken into at least two pieces.
11. The fork is used as a shovel except when eating meat.
12. The knife always cuts on the outside of the fork and should always be handled with the sharp edge toward you.
13. Do not talk with you mouth full of food.
14. Straws are not customary in a formal setting.
15. If you cannot read the menu due to it having been written in a foreign language, ask for assistance.
16. Pass the salt and pepper in pairs.
17. Eat fruit cocktail with a spoon, not a fork.
18. Eat pie, even a la mode, with a fork.
19. Cut only one bite of meat or vegetable at a time.
20. Keep the salad and bread plates to your left and don’t move them around.
21. Never leave a spoon in a bowl, cup, glass, or dessert dish.
22. If you bite into a piece of unpleasant tasting food, or notice a bone in your meat, or suddenly realize that the food is burning a hole through the roof of your mouth…don’t panic. Never spit food out of your mouth. Remain calm, grab a napkin and deposit the food into the napkin inconspicuously.
23. Use a toothpick in private.
24. Do not throw food.
25. Men should be seated to the left of their date.
26. Never use you napkin as a bib.
27. Try to refrain from kicking the post in the middle of the table.
28. Never eat when someone is making announcements.
29. Belching for depth, length, reverb, or general loudness should not be attempted.
30. Eat slowly and chew your food. Mealtime is not a race and there is usually enough food to go around.
31. Never mix your food.

You will also be responsible for knowing the proper way to set a table for a formal dinner and be able to identify all of the components. You can find an illustration and explanation of a full formal dinner setting on pages 80-81 in your Cornerstone.

Courtesy to Ladies:

Delta Upsilon has worked hard to become known as the "Gentleman’s Fraternity". We have attained this status by treating women with respect and courtesy. There are several guidelines that were followed by the founders of our chapter that should be continued in practice to preserve our reputation.

A man should open all doors for a woman and let her pass before him through the doorway. He should not get into the car until he has helped her in and secured the door. A true gentleman always sits on the aisle at the movies, walks on the curb side of the sidewalk, and holds the chair for his date when seating her at a table. A gentleman always walks behind a lady who is ascending a staircase, and walks slightly in front of her when descending. This is to catch her if she should slip. Always help her in and out of her coat. Offer to aid her in carrying things such as heavy books, groceries, and luggage. A gentleman should do these things naturally and without hesitation or frustration. Soon, these simple acts will become natural and you will find yourself doing them without thought or effort. It is the little things that are noticed by everyone and the subtleties that separate our organization from all of the rest. Your pledge educator will be watching.

Introductions:

Introductions are necessary at every turn. It is then necessary to examine the proper methods in which to introduce acquaintances to each other. Always introduce a younger person to an older one. A man is always introduced to a woman. It is impolite to be talking to one person while another friend or acquaintance stands aside awkwardly. Additionally, you should rise whenever a woman enters a room. However, use good sense and don’t over do it and look like an idiot. You should never offer your hand to a lady to shake. If she extends her hand, shake firmly but don’t linger. You should offer your hand at the beginning of an introduction with a gentleman and conclude your conversation in the same manner. There are also specifics when you introduce fraternity brothers. You should always include the fact that you are in the same fraternity:

"Professor Lake, I would like to introduce a fellow member of Delta Upsilon, Tim Lane"